|
in a world filled with food porn, we thought it was time for more direct action
BY JAY FRIEDMAN
PHOTOS BY RINA JORDAN
Call me a voyeur, if you will. I admit it. I like watching a couple of chefs who love to make it dirty.
“Make it dirty” is one of the few things you’ll hear said aloud behind the counter of Joule, where chefs Rachel Yang and Seif Chirchi preside over the kitchen. In a city full of fabulous restaurants, without doubt my favorite seat in Seattle is at that counter, watching Rachel and Seif in action. They seem like an unlikely team, but beyond the white shirts and pinstripe aprons they wear as uniforms, there’s more to their story.
They are partners—in both business and life.
Partners. I like this term for a relationship, as it’s inclusive—not carrying the heterosexual privilege for those who can comfortably call their loved one husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. I introduce my wife as my partner, causing confusion for some who think we have a business relationship. In fact, I promote use of the word partner partly because of the business connotation. All relationships require work to succeed; a romantic partnership is no exception.
I’ve come to Joule to find out some key ingredients for a good partnership, especially one as close as Rachel and Seif’s, in which they work and live together.
But before the interview, I ask them to prepare me a dish that they think epitomizes sexiness. As always, they are fairly quiet, communicating with a minimum of words, aware of each other’s presence. Occasionally, they make eye contact and give each other slight nods of approval. And once, Seif, who towers over Rachel, does an attentive lean-in to receive instruction—a move he makes many times a night.
“It’s a dance back there, for sure,” says Seif, commenting on life in the small, hot space where they spend so many hours each day. “And it’s harder for both of us with me pregnant,” Rachel adds. (She’s more than eight months along at the time of the interview.)
A partnership is like a dance. Sometimes you need to take small steps as you figure each other out. Dance partners learn to understand their strengths and deal with the differences. The same for romantic partners. It’s about finding balance. Here are key components of relationship-building (just about all, you’ll notice, based on communication).
SITUATION
You have to be at the right place at the right time. Rachel, who says “I’m Korean…I’m pretty much just a reserved, kind of quiet type of person,” appreciated Seif’s flexibility and infectious sense of humor when they met while working at Alain Ducasse at the Essex House in New York City, marveling, “It’s kind of a cut-throat situation in NYC, where you work 12-14 hours just to be recognized…it was just amazing to see how he would make everyone really happy.”
CULTIVATION
Embracing differences and really getting to know a partner is a definite secret to relationship success. And what better way for a chef to do that than through food? Seif won Rachel’s affection with kimchi. Rachel testifies, “The thing that really got me was that he loved Korean food. He never had Korean until he met me. We went to a Korean restaurant and he loved it. He loved eating all the weirdest things. Then, for Christmas, Seif’s mom got him a Korean cookbook and later he made kimchi. It was pretty good, and I was pretty impressed.” So impressed that they talked about a life together, came to Seattle for a stint at the now-closed Cremant, married, and in 2007 opened Joule in Wallingford.
SENSATION
Finding your shared passions stimulates relationship-building. For Rachel and Seif, pleasure is obviously a big part of their partnership. Rachel asserts, “Food is something that you share with your loved one—it’s a huge part of everyday life that’s intimate,” adding that, “Eating something together and sharing that…if someone doesn’t share that kind of passion or eat the same kind of food—what’s the fun in that?” Now they have fun both preparing and eating food.
AFFIRMATION
Ultimately, partners need to complement and compliment each other. I ask about Seif’s occasional singing and whistling, and Rachel nods, explaining, “He showed me a whole different side of life—working and enjoying life and everything else… I love him because he makes me laugh.” Seif smiles, and even more so when I ask what he found attractive about Rachel. “She was the only female in the kitchen,” he jests, repeatedly. They both laugh, but when pushed, he’s clear that “she’s super-talented, tons of fun, and driven.” Plus, when he got assigned to her station in New York, he thought “a woman in charge of me…I kind of like that.”
NEGOTIATION
Relationships inevitably have conflict. Compromise and accommodation are critical to get past conflict. Originally, Rachel wanted to reel in Seif, who gets restless behind the counter. “At the beginning, I was complaining: Why doesn’t he do more planning, and why doesn’t he take the load off?” she recalls, adding, “But at the same time, he does the same thing with me, (wondering why) I don’t take responsibility for going out (to the dining room) and making sure all the details are worked out.” Soon, though, the dance got smoother, as Rachel describes, “We know we have different talents and different skills…it’s usually best to do whatever we’re best at; we work as a team and it works out great.”
COLLABORATION
Knowing who each other is and figuring out your roles brings strength to a relationship. Rachel does most of the planning, but says, “Seif is the boss of the kitchen…making sure every little detail is worked out…I try to create a vision and he’s the execution.” He coaxes his cooks to not hold anything back, and to give everything the fullest of flavor, always asking “is it dirty enough?” But if Seif’s maleness is bold, Rachel’s femaleness adds balance, as she’ll tweak a dish with certain ingredients, garnishes, or other touches to, as she says, “bring it to a comfortable level.” Seif’s fine with that, saying, “Balance is good…I need the balance…I need the help.” The balance further plays out for them in being a biracial couple. Both talked about the increased credibility their diverse backgrounds give them in doing fusion food, and how customers like the sense of stability and family feeling offered at a restaurant run by a real-life couple.
DELIBERATION and RECONCILIATION
Most relationships have rocky moments, so it’s important to have a strategy on how to handle negative feelings. Seif says, “We get on each other’s nerves all the time.” When that happens, they find private time and space as one option: She’ll retreat to office or he’ll take a walk. And in a worst-case situation, they have to stop what they’re doing and calmly address the conflict, as well as be adult enough to say “sorry” when necessary. Otherwise, Seif asserts, “People can sense it…I think you can taste it in the food if we’re not getting along and we’re not giving one hundred percent.” Meanwhile, Rachel recognizes that it’s important to not sweat the small stuff in a relationship, and instead remember the big picture: “When customers come up and say how much they love the food and how much they love seeing us together, (we realize) it’s embarrassing to even fight over anything stupid…you turn back (to each other) and smile and realize we have something good going on.”
DEDICATION
It’s important to be committed for the long haul in a relationship. While being business partners can mean being married to the job as well as each other, Rachel and Seif clearly love what they do, and are committed to doing it. Seif says, “We go to bed talking about what happened during the day…then we wake up in the morning (and) ‘we’ve got to order fish’ (is) the first thing that we say to each other.” Rachel notes, “We’re clearly a small mom-and-pop type of restaurant, we’re here all the time—we open, we close.” And, as of a few months ago, this mom-and-pop restaurant features an actual mom and pop, as Seif and Rachel had a baby boy. (This busy couple is also birthing a new business: Revel will be serving up dumplings and other “street comfort food” in Fremont by the end of the year.)
As for that sexy dish they brought to life for me? They call it a “DIY slider,” and it features some interesting partnerships. Grilled prawns go on a steamed bun, with smoked pork belly “acting like a lubricant between the crispy shells,” Rachel advises. Lime-honey condensed milk offers a sweet counterpoint to the spicy prawns, and pickles and soft bun help round out the textures and flavors. It’s a messy concoction meant to be eaten with the hands, a bold dish done dirty and delicious. It’s about the way all the pieces fit together. I feel the balance, and the love, in this food, as always.
At the end of their day, Rachel and Seif are exhausted, happy to have cheap Chinese take-out food and, more often than not, just sit on a couch in relative silence—to be normal. (Seif: “I used to think normalcy sucked, but now I love it.”) These are people who know who they are and enjoy the simple pleasures, including what I believe to be perhaps the greatest sign of intimacy in a partnership: comfort with shared silence.
Joule Restaurant
1913 N 45th Street
Seattle 98103
(206) 632-1913
www.joulerestaurant.com
Jay Friedman is a certified sex educator (by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) and is full-time on the college lecture circuit, where he’s shared his insights and outbursts on love, sex and dating with thousands of students for over 25 years. He brings similar passion to his food writing, compiling his crushes and cravings at www.gastrolust.com.
 |
